We all want different things from our partners but unofficial research tells us, there are some things that virtually all women want: exclusivity, support, affection, and partnership.
These aren’t qualities we can figure out overnight, and color me jaded, but people lie, or we can misread them. The qualities that makes someone a keeper, are not things we can tell from their dating profiles, IG feeds, or after a couple of dates. So if you’re serious (or could be serious) about a guy and you want him to see you that way, it makes sense to strategize.
In her book, Hindsight, relationship expert Maryanne Comaroto share some compelling reasons why we should stop having hasty sex. After working with thousands of couples and coaching many others, Comaroto came to the conclusion that hasty sex isn’t allowing us the time and opportunity to find the right person. I agree.
My own story is that I started dating at age 18 and from then to almost all through my 30s, I was in a relationship, but never in a fulfilling one. When I got married in my 30s, I based our compatibility on the wrong things and married my ex for his “potential.”
I’ve live. I’ve learned. And after talking to many 20-something women these past couple of years, I’m now of the opinion that women (especially younger women), screw themselves when they hook up early. When we’re serious about someone, waiting works more in our favor. When we wait…
Infatuation gets to die a natural death and, if it’s there, give birth to true love.
So, when you’re in the market for a committed relationship, and when you want a guy to take you seriously, observe these top 5 new relationship rules.
First, the Do’s
1. Be a true beauty.
A truly beautiful woman owns herself and in relationships, nothing is sexier than a woman who has her own life, ideas, interests, passions, friends and knows what she needs. Even in the early days of a promising relationship, make time for your friends, continue your personal development, and don’t skip your yoga and exercise classes. Bottom line, your relationship with a new guy should be secondary to the one you have with yourself.
2. Share your real self.
Be vulnerable. In a non-clingy way, be clear about your important needs. Share your true and best self. Share your career goals and a bit of your life goals, especially where they overlap, and talk about the things that matter to you. These will either deepen the connection faster — or chase away the wrong person.
And now for the Dont’s
3. Don’t do last-minute.
Alice Walker once said, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” With the dearth of commitment-friendly guys in big cities, you may feel like you have to accommodate a guy or you won’t hear from him again. Lose that false and backward way of thinking and know that you’re worth the wooing and consideration of planning your dates ahead of time. If you want a serious relationship, don’t do last-minute dates as they’re almost always a sign that he’s not looking for a future with you. You’re his here-and-now.
4. Keep “Slutty Amy” at home until you’re committed.
Sex on the first date is sometimes fine–he’s hot, you’re horny, whatever. I’m not judging. Giving away BJ’s, doing 3-ways, back-doors and other hardcore sex early on however, is, in my opinion, a privilege men should earn. Don’t give a guy you want to take you seriously that level of “attention” before you’re exclusive. And of course, only do hardcore stuff because you want to, not because you feel pressure to do it.
5. Continue dating other people until you’re committed.
At about the 2-3 month mark is a good time to ask a guy whether he’s dating other people. Make it clear that by dating you mean “sleeping with,” and until you both agree that you two are exclusive, continue dating others to keep your options open.
So what if you have (errm) needs? I’m not an expert here, so you may have to find your own thing but these are what work for me: an emotionally safe friend-with-benefits and a great vibrator. Needs met!
Christine is a lifestyle coach living in Los Angeles. She believes the way we live predicts our future health and motivation. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to find out about working with Christine.