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The guys over at ThinkTank share some of their favorite answers to the Reddit question: What makes you instantly like someone?

If you’re working on amping up your social skills, there were some great answers in there that can help you. Here are the top ‘likable behaviors” they covered:

  1. Be inviting and welcoming. Invite outsiders into the group. Smile. Be warm.
  2. Have a sense of humor.
  3. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Being too intense is always a turnoff.
  4. Be courteous. Be nice, but not overly.
  5. Don’t suck up, attempt inside jokes or get too comfortable with people you just meet.
  6. Listen and be genuinely interested. Ask questions.
  7. Attractiveness, but I’ll amend that to looking put together. I personally appreciate good grooming.

 

I want to talk about #1, being welcoming and inviting, a little more.

Michelle Obama is one of the most charismatic people out there. Study her if you’re working on being more welcoming. Dubbed the hugger-in-chief, this lady redefined the role of first lady with her warmth, grace, smarts and style.

You should know though, warmth like Mrs. Obama’s is not something you can “put on.” To be welcoming, you must truly like people and see the value in being kind and welcoming to everyone, no matter their age or station in life.

Studying Mrs. Obama you will notice:

  • She is comfortable in her skin.
  • You feel she wants the best for others, isn’t competing with them, and loves doling out praises and giving high-fives.
  • Her aura reads as “vivacious!” It’s one of the most attractive qualities in potential friends because we all want to feel like that. And you better believe that regular exercise has something to do with that aura!!!
  • She’ll hug the queen of England and get down on eye level to greet a child. In coaching, we call this behavior “meeting people where they are,” and it’s a hella attractive quality.
  • She seems genuine and authentic!

The following post on Reddit was one of my favorites…

Twoleggedmammal wrote:

I have one friend that’s especially helpful at amplifying my funny comment that nobody heard, with credit. A true bro.

Sweet, huh?

A word about insecurities:

If you have them, you really want to work on that. Here’s why. Most people can’t tell the difference between insecurities and arrogance. They’re both unwelcoming behavior so while you may find it unfair that people don’t give you a chance, you must understand that they it’s human nature to protect ourselves from bad experiences.

A word about using anger and sarcasm to mask insecurity:

It isn’t working for you… no one has time for all that.

People with healthy self-esteem (you know, the ones you want to be around), will NOT put up with put-downs. Politely moving away from you, and if they already know you, ignoring your calls and ghosting you, is their polite way of saying, I won’t let others hurt me.

A few of my clients who suffered from low self-esteem and who used sarcasm as a mask, also experienced loneliness. They thought it was unfair of others not to give them a chance. Sometimes, it took several sessions and several negative social encounters to convince them of how uncomfortable they were making others feel, and thus creating their own unwanted realities.

Examine what’s behind your sarcasm, over-sensitivity, diva behavior and angry fuses. Understand the pathology of these behavior and work on them. Usually, there’s a really lovely person behind such behavior and the world would love to meet that version of you.

 


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Written by

Christine Angelica

Christine is a lifestyle coach living in Los Angeles. She believes the way we live affects everything we do, especially our motivation.