The guys over at ThinkTank covered some of their favorite answers given by Reddit users to the question, What makes you instantly like someone? And if you’re working on your social skills, there some gems on this list that might help you. Their top ‘likable behaviors” are:
- Be inviting and welcoming. Invite outsiders into the group. Smile. Be warm.
- Have a sense of humor.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously. Being too intense is always a turnoff.
- Be courteous. Be nice, but not overly.
- Don’t suck up, attempt inside jokes or get too comfortable with people you just meet.
- Listen and be genuinely interested. Ask questions.
- Attractiveness, which I’m revising to “looking put together.”
It’s Point #1, being welcoming and inviting, that I want to chat about a bit in this post. I immediately thought of Michelle Obama when I reached in my mind for an example of someone who does this well.
If you study her you’ll see why she was dubbed the hugger-in-chief. This lady redefined the role of first lady with her mix of style, smarts, grace and warmth. What’s worth noting about warmth like Mrs. Obama exudes is that it’s not something you can “fake.” To be welcoming, you and I must truly like people and see the value in being kind to everyone. And to be that type of person, we must be comfortable with who we are.
Studying Mrs. Obama you will notice:
- She wants the best for others, isn’t competing with them, and loves doling out praises and giving high-fives.
- Her aura reads “energetic!” And you better believe that regular exercise has something to do with her energetic aura!!!
- She’ll hug the queen of England and get down to their eye level to greet a child. That’s someone who doesn’t compare themselves to others.
- She seems genuine and authentic! Someone who is accomplished and who worked on accepting herself, would naturally be.
The Reddit poster Twoleggedmammal shared one of the most helpful observations on the thread when he wrote:
Don’t be too insecure
A little insecurity when you maintain eye contact, smile, and you look put together can be endearing in many situations. The world is filled with people with overblown egos so you can feel like a breath of fresh air. People with too much insecurities usually take one of two approaches—they try to compensate for it by being a disagreeable know-it-all or they are so reserved they cannot and afraid, they can’t contribute anything to a conversation. Here’s why both are a turnoff, people can’t tell the difference between insecurities and arrogance or get to know you at all. They’re both unwelcoming behavior so while you may find it unfair that people don’t give you a chance, you must understand that they it’s human nature to protect ourselves from bad experiences. This is something you can work on though, so try working with a confidence coach, putting yourself out there, and not taking yourself so seriously.
The best way to deal with insecurities is genuine and not try to fake too much. If you own your insecurities, and is working on them, you’l.
Don’t use anger and sarcasm to mask insecurity
It doesn’t work because no one has time for all that. People with healthy self-esteem (you know, the ones you want to be around), will NOT put up with put-downs. Politely moving away from you, and if they already know you, ignoring your calls and ghosting you, is their polite way of saying, I won’t let you hurt me.
A few of my clients who suffered from low self-esteem and who used sarcasm as a mask, also experienced loneliness. They thought it was unfair of others not to give them a chance, but as empathetic as I felt about their predicament, I also wanted to shout, “It’s your own damn fault!” Sometimes, it took several sessions and several negative social encounters to convince them of how uncomfortable they were making others feel, and I was just the person to teach them that lesson.
If this is you, examine what’s behind your sarcasm, over-sensitivity, diva-behavior and angry fuses. Usually, there’s a really lovely person behind these behavior who need to work on their fears, hurt, shame. Absolutely do this work because the world would love to meet the lovely person you’re covering up.
Christine is a Life Strategist and Emotional Health Coach living in Los Angeles. She's big on meditation and believes in systems and routines, and in personalizing everything you do to help you get where you want to be.