Want some honesty? Well, Arden Rose has some for you, starting with this:
“It is such a female problem to be constantly worried about how you look…
and how much you weigh…
and if you’re doing enough…
if you’re doing enough compared to the girl next to you.”
Arden is very honest about her eating disorder and journey to body positivity, so, if you’re dealing with this issue, I think her words can be one more perspective from which to draw hope.
These are some of the issues Arden dealt with:
- binge eating and guilt
- feeling the need to over-perform
- heart palpitations
As a Youtuber, Arden experienced body shaming because evidently, there are people who think that if you’re a female on the internet, it’s OK to comment on your weight.
If you think about it, someone who has the time to comment on a stranger’s life doesn’t have a lot going on in theirs. In your own life, you may experience some type of shaming. Someone at school, on social media or in your social circle may think it’s OK to give their opinion on your life. Sometimes even family members can be that mean.
It’s not their place to make rude comments on your life and it’s not POLITE of you to accept or ignore it.
Or to ignore it then slither off to have a drink or use any type of addictive behavior to deal. Don’t play their game, but please stand up for yourself with a more emotionally intelligent clapback!
Practice clever comebacks
A clever way to handle a hater is to not stoop to the person’s level but to call them out on her ignorance. It can be even more cutting to express some vulnerability. Sharpen your wit and use your word. Practice some clever responses like these and have them at the ready. If you don’t have a great one handy, ask a friend who is a wordsmith for help.
How to respond to a friend or family member
This is someone you’re going to see again. You may have to live with this person and sometimes, want to try and build a better relationship with them. If this is your first time confronting them, use this line:
“Mom/Sis/Friend, you’re being a mean girl right now and not my mother/sister/friend. The things you say hurt me. Please stop.”
The second time (cos clearly they need some harsh truths):
“Mom/Sis/Friend, just because you feel bad about yourself, don’t try to make me do too.
[Pause 2 beasts for that to sink in, then continue:] “I’ve asked you to stop and clearly you can’t, so from now on (choose the best way to respond to that person):
- …from now on, this sign means I’m blocking you. “This sign” can be putting on headphones or taking some other action to distance yourself from them and from having a conversation. Shutting down the conversation is like putting the person on time out. Do not accept a weak apology or one that requires you to answer them. And don’t raise your voice or turn up the volume on the TV. Bottom line is silence after you’ve expressed yourself. You want to give them the silent treatment for at least 5 minutes before leaving the room.
- If there are family members or others whose opinions they trust or if you’re friends on social media, threaten to out their behavior. Whatever you say here should be short and sweet.
We can all relate to this and by revealing your humanity (in as few assertive words as possible), you may remind them of theirs. Hopefully.
How to respond to someone at school or a “friend”
These are people, believe it or not, who under different circumstances, you could be friends with. And in the future, you might even be. In this scenario, I really like the compliment-diss combo.
“I used to admire you because I thought you dressed so cool (insert a real positive trait here), but I can see that’s hiding a really ugly side. Such a shame.”
How to respond to a stranger (on social media, for example)
- “I can fix my zits or lose some weight (insert insult here), but can you do anything about being sad and annoying?”
- Screenshot their mean posts and share it with the world and ask, “What’s the best way to respond to this bully/troll?” You have to be responsible so redact enough characters in their name to make it hard for strangers to figure out who they are but people who know you to guess.
If this person persists, block ’em. That’s what the unfriend, unfollow and block buttons are for. Periodically, you should be checking your lists anyway and removing the junk from your life and your social feed. That includes haters.
And be sure to talk to someone–a sister, parent, friend or someone who will have your back. Don’t suffer in silence as this is not a reflection on you.
Christine is a lifestyle coach living in Los Angeles. Using systems, routines, and some psychological trickery, she can help almost anyone hack their mind and life for greater productivity. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to find out if she's available for one-on-one work.