He/She loves me… he/she loves me not.
A cute game, but maybe not a great way to tell if your partner really loves and respects you. Fear not, relationship coach Mat Boggs has a few ideas. Boggs says that if your relationship has these 7 traits, you can relax… you’re in a loving relationship.
- You both make and keep agreements.
- You have clear caring communication.
- You honor your differences.
- You acknowledge and praise each other.
- You touch and comfort each other regularly.
- You act like teammates and show loyalty.
- You actively listen to each other and feel heard.
Authentic listening is one of my favorite things to talk about in my workshops and weekly mindful class. So often our partners, in trying not burden us, won’t come out and say it when they’re feeling anxious about work or having insecurities about the relationship. By only giving them half our attention, we fail to pick up subtle clues that they’re troubled.
When we give our partners our full attention, even for just 15 minutes a day, they feel heard. And guess what, you build a stronger bond and relationship security with this single habit.
So, what does it mean if your relationship doesn’t have, I’d say, at least 5 of these traits?
I say at least 5, because, well, some partners may not be big on praise, for example, but supports you in others ways so that overall, the relationship feels solid. In which case, your relationship may be just fine.
This is not just a question of whether your relationship is as healthy as it should be, but also whether you’re with someone who values healthy relationships and is willing to work to ensure you two have one.
Without a healthy body, mind, and spirit, we don’t become our best. Life and relationships (including our relationship with ourselves) take work to grow and thrive. So while it’s not cause for alarm if you don’t have at least 5 of these qualities in your relationship, it is cause for concern if you’re both unable and unwilling to work at it.
Without the effort to grow and thrive, we remain stagnant; unable to ever realize the fullest expression of ourselves.
Christine is a lifestyle coach living in Los Angeles. She believes the way we live affects everything we do, especially our motivation.