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The person you really need to marry

The person you really need to marry

Smart, witty, insightful. That’s how I would describe Tracy McMillan’s advice about the person you really need to marry.

If there’s one thing that single people living in large cities can agree on (myself included), it’s that dating is a bit more challenging in the big city. It may have something to do with the fact that some of us focus on our careers or having fun longer we should. And it may have something to do with the fact that in big cities, we have more options on how to spend our time so we’re a little more flakey when it comes to dating (guilty!).

Whatever the real reasons, it does feel like you have to work harder; and it’s work I don’t particularly care to do, especially since I think I suck at choosing. I either wait too long and pick the wrong person, or jump into a relationship early, and pick the wrong person. I suck at choosing. Which is why… I’m warming up to the idea of getting a modern-day matchmaker to do the choosing for me.

But wait, Ms. Tracy McMillan may have better advice!

In her Ted Talk, The Person You Really Need To Marry, relationship coach, Tracy McMillan tells us, we already know the person we need to marry. Fully expecting this talk to tell who my perfect partner is — and maybe that he’s right under my nose — I click-baited this talk and waited to be inspired. I was, but not in the way I expected to.

Tracy’s genius advice to singles is to…

  • Commit to yourself fully.
  • Build a relationship with yourself to the point where you realize you’re WHOLE right now.

With insightfulness and humor, I let McMillan’s powerful advice wash over me as I watched this Talk and for days all I could think about is this bit of wisdom:

Loving ourselves exactly where we are is the only way to get where we’re going.

Sister Tracy’s talk inspired me to do the following exercise, which I’m now inviting you to do. After you’ve watched this talk, ponder these questions:

Self-Love Questions

  • What could I love more about myself?
  • What thoughts about relationships do I need to let go of?
  • What are the qualities I absolutely need in a life partner?
  • Which of these qualities did I keep missing in past partners?
  • What can I do, starting now, to build within myself the qualities I want in someone else?


Tracy McMillian reminds us that we are whole—by ourselves. We really don’t need a man or partner to become whole or joyful. Life can be a joyful experience for anyone—even a single person. And as she says, we’ll never feel whole until we learn to love ourselves just as we are.

I started this post by saying I think her advice in this talk is smart, witty, and insightful.

What do you think? Did you agree?


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