A woman’s secret woman is her gut, and we need to start trusting ours.
How many times have you sensed something is off about someone even before their cracks start showing?
How about the laid-back guy you couldn’t seem to get much from when you tried to learn about his background? On at least one occasion you thought to yourself, “He seems a little closed off. ”
That’s your gut talking!
Before you know it though you two start hooking up (Hey, I’m just hanging out with the man… no need to read too much into his lack of sharing).
Weeks later you two find yourself in some kind of undefined relationship…actually, he’s kind of growing on you (like that never happens). True feelings even start to develop–maybe even for him. When he gives you a beautiful art book for your birthday you think, “He really gets me” and it’s on–whatever IT is.
One Friday evening when you two are rolling trees he let it slip that he’s been smoking the stuff every day since his teens (he’s now 32).
No wonder he’s so laid-back you tell your hazy brain…and you let it go. Again.
More time goes by and he does or says something else that makes you think, “Hmmm, maybe this dude IS a stoner.” But you talk yourself out of it by reasoning, Everyone does weed nowadays!
What are you doing?
Yes, you are ignoring your gut yet again instead of listening to it in the context of what you know. You KNOW there is a difference between a recreational user and a stoner.
Finally… good sense starts to creep in and you consider your pattern of picking needy men.
You quickly dismiss good sense too. Because?? Well, that doesn’t apply to this guy. Because… because… Well, I don’t plan on marrying him!
You tell yourself you’re in control.
Fast forward to where things come to a head
The time has come to pay for months of ignoring your instincts and good sense.
What’s the price?
Your bank account is drained or something more life-altering happens. Something which you can’t easily fix and the consequence for your inaction is steep.
You wail and scream. You berate yourself for your stupidity. And you recall all the red flags that you ignored.
What to do?
Feel the hurt and pain for a minute but then do the best thing you can in these situations; find the lessons.
At least one of them should be to pay attention to your instincts.
You may wanna know:
Can we listen to our intuition but still take certain risks?
If my hypothetical friend here wanted to see where things go AND listen to her gut, she could have hung out with the laid-back dude, had fun, but draw the line at anything that could potentially affect her future.
The facts are (and every grown woman knows these):
- Stoners and other addicts are usually unreliable.
- People who don’t share a lot about themselves often (although not always) have something to hide–insecurities or secrets–neither of which are cute.
Even though everyone does weed nowadays and some stoners would never rob you blind, a grown woman who knows that addicts are usually unreliable should err on the side of caution. You/She should be looking out for your finances and safeguarding your future.
It’s the least you can do!
Why do we ignore our intuition anyway?
The hypothetical friend I’ve been referring to is me. Although I can’t divulge the full account of what happened for legal reasons, I will share something important I learned in therapy afterward.
Kicking myself that I should have known better and protected myself, I asked my therapist over and over again: “Why did I ignore my instincts?”
She took several stabs at it and one day it sunk in. She said that we ignore our instinct because we think the message our gut is sending is either STOP or GO. Because we don’t have concrete information at the time, stopping doesn’t seem to be in our best interest.
The message she tells me is neither to Stop or Go but to PAY ATTENTION. Like, keep your eyes on the road, little girl!! When we pay attention, we go along but protect ourselves. We know human nature and don’t pretend anyone is above bad behavior when it benefits them. Until we really know someone, they’re on audition.
Intuition is woven into the female DNA and can be one of our most powerful assets when we trust it.
So the lesson (I paid for therapy so you don’t have to) is not to Stop or Go, but to start paying attention to other things stoners say or your accountant does.
Sign up for the program that helps you get better at being you–the doer’s program.
Pay attention and you’ll see the clues…because they’re always there.